Tuesday, May 10, 2011

PACHEESE WAALA GAADI - short story - 1

Sunitha, Sethu and Parul used to meet every day Bandra station and towards their journey to church gate. All were at their teens and enjoyed their life maximum. But Sunitha was little different from other two. Sunitha seems to be their leader. All the three working in different firms around church gate. All of them assemble at 5 pm near the book stall at the station for their return journey to bandra.

“come on guys our pachees waala train is coming, letz get up and rush to d compartments. Today being Monday slightly rush”

“Sethu.. pls get me a also a seat as I cannot run after you.. sunitha said and she was much behind d q”

“yes suni… I shall try……in case I don’t get one for you, we shall squeeze and make u sit. Don’t bother”

Sunitha had some sprains in her left foot and was unable to walk fast and depened her friends sethu and parul through out d journey and return.

These 3 girls used to chat to and fro non-stop. Sunitha used to reach bandra station little earlier and had noticed a guy who goes towards church gate. A Tall man with good physique, but he looks tensed mostly. Suni could not talk to him yet although she looked at him several occasions at the plat form and even inside the coach.

Incidently he was there always in d same coach where this thrimoorthies occupied.

During the week end sunitha found him in Jeens and Tshirt. He was looking really a hero. But he never looked at her or d gang or did not bother to listen their conversation.

It was a cool breezy day with slight drizzling. Sunitha was running to the plat form while this man was walking cool in d rain. He also stood near the coffee shop where these girls used to assemble at bandra station.

Sunitha took d scarf from her vanity bag and wiped out d rain drops from her head and shoulders. She offered the cloth to him, but he did not bother to accept it or look at her. He was found very unhappy or upsetness on his face as usual. She tried to stand little closer to him but he moved away.

She did not notice the arrival of sethu and parul.

“kyaa hogaya suni thum ko?........ naaraaz jaisaa diktha hai?

What happened to you dear?... u don’t feel comfortable…?

Whtz d matter…?

Nothing sethu…….

Suni’s mood was not ok and she too was upset just because of her approach to d man. But she tried to hide whatz happened at the station.

Today the thrimoorthies got d seat and the MAN did not. He was standing holding ceiling bar. He was found much upset and rather depressed today.

“look sethu and parul that man might fall down. Some thing wrong to him. See his face…”

“why suni you are bothered about the passengers particularly this gentle man. We used to struggle many days in d train but none of passengers either cared us or offered a set”

“well, this is not that case.. a person looks ill or finds discomfort to stand alone and if we see that, itz our gesture to offer him our seat.”

“ok ok if you sympathy on him you can offer your seat to him”

“ok sethu, just hold my seat, let me go and talk to him”


There was no answer from the MAN

“Hello……… I am asking you……..”

“He lifted his face up and looked at sunitha”

Sunitha was happy in one way as he looked at her

“Whatz wrong with you…… the man grumbled looking at sunitha. please leave me alone”

“See what I am asking you to take my seat…. You are about to fall down and you cannot stand at your own feet…”

“Then where do u sit…….?”

“I can manage that, I am physically fit now and no ailments and can easily stand upto church gate.”

Sunitha was upset again he did not accept her offer. Suni murmuredwhat kind of man z dis….?!

She went to him again and said…..

“Hello friend pls go and sit there for god sake. If you happened to fall in d crowd we cannot just look at that. We are human beings. One should help other.”

“if you don’t want to take my seat we three shall squeeze and make you to sit.”

“sunitha just pulled his hand and made him sit in between them and suni was one said and other sides sethu and parul……..”

Sunitha was happy as she could do some thing great and she thought he is hooked and find a good friend in him…

But he did not bother to talk to him much while sunitha or her friends tried to interact with him.

“whatz yr name sir………”

I am rahul

“I am sunitha, and she is sethu and next to her is parul………”

“where do you work sir…….?”

“don’t call me sir…… call me rahul”

Sunitha thought he might slap her. His face was found rude and eyes were red.

None of them talked to him for a while.

The train was little slow because of the rain and water in d track. He man was looking at the watch very frequently and found little more upset.

As this thrimoorthies were squeezed enough to occupy rahul all of them were discomfortable but sunitha enjoyed the tight situation. She wanted to talk to him again and tried to touch him as much as possible.

“she was afraid whether he might stand up and spend rest moments until their destination.” But it did not happene. Suni took a deep breath……. And said…… thank god…”

Sunitha’s intention was to get closer with him as much as possible. But the MAN was trying to avoid her to the maximum.

Passengers grumbled……. Half an hour again to go to reach church gate. All of them will be late to be at their offices. Where suni was praying to get delayed as much as possible.

Again sunitha……

Sir can I ask you some thing.

“I am sorry… can I ask you some thing rahul……….?

Ther was no answer from him

“sunitha pleaded again…….. rahul………. Wehre are you working………?

“ I am with Morrison.”

Sunitha again took a deep breath….. she was found much happy

“sir….. I am sorry…….. rahul…….. u did not asked me about d place that I am working and my two friends…”

He looked at her face rudely.

“I don’t want to know all this rubbish things, where do u work and what u do and your welfare………”

He got up from d seat and stood near the toilet area……….

Sunitha was very much upset….

Sethu and parul were laughing at her and criticized…………

“suni… u have already spoiled your life with some body and just free from those hazels. Now again after another guy.. whatz wrong with you. Leave him alone. He might be discomfort with you or to the whole world even…..

“I am sorry sethu….. I could not control from d day I met him……. What you said is true. My life was miserable with tony…… thank god we were not legally married and easily separated now.”

“so u are aware of d situations and why after this thoughts to hook this man. He seems to be a good gentle man. He might have some problems, perhaps d same issue u had. Who knows about his welfare. Suni u may leave him alone……….”

this will be continued ......


ജെ പി വെട്ടിയാട്ടില്‍ said...

These 3 girls used to chat to and fro non-stop. Sunitha used to reach bandra station little earlier and had noticed a guy who goes towards church gate. A Tall man with good physique, but he looks tensed mostly. Suni could not talk to him yet although she looked at him several occasions at the plat form and even inside the coach.

ഒട്ടകങ്ങള്‍ said...

the story is very interesting. waiting for the rest lines.

malayali english writers are very rare in blog.

i have read novel in your malayalam blog and several incomplete novels.

please do not make this in that catogory. u may publish weekly once a new chapter.

ananda - muscat

ജെ പി വെട്ടിയാട്ടില്‍ said...

2nd part will be released shortly.

nirmala said...

Story is really touching. true. we meet lot of people in life.few get attracted just because of the way they talk.or some other qulaity. keep going chetta

Beena said...

Nice!! Uncle,who says ur English is poor. Only here n there small grammatical mistakes..U hv thought of writing short stories in English that itself show ur ability n calibere.Keep going waiting for its continuation....

Beena said...

Nice!!Uncle who said u r poor in English.No one is perfect initially in any field .Practice makes the man perfect.Some grammatical mistakes here n there Its ok. The content is perfect.Ur thought of writing short stories, itself shows ur ability n calibere in this field.Waiting for story's continuation....All the best!!

ജെ പി വെട്ടിയാട്ടില്‍ said...


thank u beena for your compliments and motiviation. i was about to wind up my enlgish novel as there was nobody to comment on d subject.

i shall process the 3rd part dis evening.

jp uncle

ബൈജു സുല്‍ത്താന്‍ said...

Interesting to read...please continue...